I don't know why I came to watch Turk in surgery
when I could've caught a few minutes to sleep.
I guess I haven't seen much of my best friend lately.
Still, it's not like I'm desperate or anything.
Look, I've been attending for three years here.
- What makes you think you know better? - In my gut I know I'm right.
We need to make this decision now.
- Fine, then it's on you. - Yes, it is.
Nurse.
- Erasure. - Yes, doctor.
I hate this song.
Me too, man. Me, too.
It's weird but a hospital room can actually be kind of a romantic place.
Maybe it's the soft green glow of a heart monitor,
or the way the moonlight reflects off a bedpan.
Our shifts keep overlapping on Friday nights.
It's a closest thing I've had to a date recently.
Well, I had a great time tonight.
Yeah. Me too.
So, can I page you?
You better. And don't do the whole two-day waiting thing.
Baby, I don't play by the rules.
So, goodnight.
Wait a second, is she joking? Cause if she's joking and I kiss her...
Of course, if she's not joking...
Come on, I don't do this for all the doctors.
Yes!
Look, this guy is gonna need 40mEqs of KCl.
Go ahead and grab me when you get the results.
You got it.
And his TV is broken, so when you two do start tagging each other,
the least you can do is wake him up and let him watch.
In my experience, when two friends miss an opportunity like this,
you've got exactly 48 hours to get the kiss.
Otherwise, one of you are gonna over-think it.
Okay, she's gonna over-think it.
And then you end up permanently stuck in the friend zone.
I'll see ya.
You're such a girl.
So nothing was going on last night between me and Elliot.
Good thing you still have your flower then.
That song is like a virus.
I'm just a little lonely, you know.
I guess cause I haven't already been hanging out with Turk
since he's been dating Carla.
First of all, who's Turk?
And don't answer.
Look, if you have a medical question for me,
I'm forced by hospital policy to answer you.
However, if you ask me about a personal problem,
I'm going to start doing this.
You seem unhappy.
I like that.
I cannot get that stupid song out of my head.
It's like a damn virus. Okay, here's his chart, his transfer note.
He's haemodynamically stable. Consider him officially turfed to medicine.
T-Man, I'm gonna get my grub on.
Means he's gonna go eat.
- So surgery went okay? - Yeah, it was cool.
Dude.
I got to close for the first time ever. Ever.
The human body is so disgusting.
Not yours. Yours is stunning.
We should go out and celebrate, you know.
Tear it up like we used to, just the two of us.
- What comes before part B? - Part A!
We used to tear it up.
We should probably never do that again.
That song is like a virus.
No!
Don't let it be awkward.
Do something cute.
Cover her eyes and say, "Guess who?"
- Guess who? - I can't breathe.
Okay, gang, it's time for rounds.
Let's see who's The Weakest Link.
The Weakest Link!
Now, then, Dr. Simotas.
The severe swelling of the lips exhibited by this patient
might be an indication of what?
- Angioedema. - Well done, sport.
And what treatment would you recommend, Dr. Dorian?
A combination of steroids and any of several antihistamines?
Attaboy, sport.
Now, then. What would you recommend the patient stay away from,
Dr. Reid?
- My first guess would be shellfish. - Right you are, sweetheart.
Sweetheart?
I could kinda see what was going on in Elliot's head.
Right you are, sweetheart.
What do you want to watch?
Fletch.
- Fletch it is. - Seen it.
Well, you haven't seen it with us saying all the lines.
I'm so lucky I met you.
Maybe next time her mom could come.
Dude, you won't even know she's here.
Except she laughs at stupid stuff sometimes and that kinda makes me laugh.
It's stupid because it's so stupid.
- Come on, tonight's still about us. - Whatever, I don't care.
Turk, you wanna go hang out in your room?
On one hand, I know Dr. Kelso doesn't mean anything by it,
and okay, maybe I am kind of a sweetheart.
I'm sleeping.
On the other hand, it just sounds so demeaning, you know.
Mother of God, you're not listening to a word I'm saying, aren't you?
It's not like he's my grandpa or anything.
Anyway, J.D always tells me how much you've helped him out.
He obviously hasn't told you about my ear-flicking policy, has he?
Look.
This whole groovy guidance counselor thing
you people seem to have working is a total fantasy.
I'm not that guy. You can go and ask anybody.
Now, you've got to leave me alone or I'll punish you.
- I guess sweetheart is kind of innocuous. - Okay.
Here's what you're gonna do.
Go right down there and confront Kelso.
- Really? - Absolutely.
Never mind that he is the Chief of Medicine for the entire hospital,
he'll have a whole new level of respect for you.
- Honestly? - Yes.
You can't have sexist terms like that floating around here.
You go get him.
Hey, this guy looks stable but I still wanna get an EKG.
Let's do cardiac enzymes...
- When you say sweetheart... - And...
And an aspirin.
A lot of my work has become second nature to me.
The only problem is it gives me too much time to think.
Look, man, I'm surgery and you're medicine.
This isn't college any more. Things have to change.
I know relationships change, I guess I thought yours and mine never would.
What's going on with you, man?
We always used to look out for each other.
I guess I just don't feel you have my back any more.
You really feel that way?
Yeah, I do.
You do? Great.
I'll get them from my locker, you can just write me a cheque.
And can you take a look at Mr. Bidwell? His temperature's starting to spike.
Sure.
Legally, there's a huge difference.
When you stitch a patient, wind up sewing a sheet to him, that's an accident.
When he tries getting up, the whole gurney collapses, he's breaking his front teeth,
that's a lawsuit.
Say it with me. Accident. Lawsuit.
Accident. Lawsuit.
So, what is it, sweetheart?
It's that, it's the sweetheart thing. It just doesn't hit me right.
I'm a doctor, and it seems sort of disrespectful.
I've always called the young men "sport" and the young ladies "sweetheart".
But you call Becky "sport".
Well, I am so sorry, sport.
It's must be one of those bad habits I've developed
after working in the medical field for over 30 years.
30 years? But you look so young!
It's never easy to see a patient is getting worse instead of better.
In fact, that's kind of the opposite of what we're going for.
I don't get it. He was fine last night.
Now he's diaphoretic, he's in and out of consciousness.
He might even be septic.
Well, we won't know anything until the lab gets his blood work back.
If he's septic, there's a chance they'll have to re-open this guy.
Of course, there's also a chance he could die.
I've seen this before.
Gauze, sponges, some young surgeon left something in this man.
No, no. I know the guy that closed. He'd never be that careless.
Excuse me, sorry.
Has anyone seen my keys?
No? Okay, how about my wallet?
Anyone?
I've never seen that before.
Turk!
Dr. Cox, have you seen Turk?
Turk.
Hey, I was just dreaming about you.
You were... Well, we were...
Hey, you got a few minutes?
Don't move.
No, no, no. Don't move.
Have you seen Turk?
Yeah, I saw him.
He just went out that door.
Turk?
Can't hear you.
- What? - Let me in!
You love who?
Mr. Kavanaugh, your arrhythmia's much better.
Everything looks just great, actually.
You sound surprised.
Well, okay, it has nothing to do with you.
But I had a little run-in with Dr. Kelso yesterday,
so when he switched me over to you, I just thought it would be a difficult case.
Go on, I'm listening.
Excuse me while I check on another penis... Patient!
Well, he's a penis patient.
Turk!
Hey, let's talk. No, I gotta talk to you.
No, no! Look.
It's nine up, okay? We just lost our fourth, it's your ball.
It's important. Now I talk to you for a minute.
This is not a joke either. This is real, man.
It's surgical versus medical.
- Your ball, you're shirts. - Hey, let's play.
There it was. Everything was more important than me now.
Don't bring in the same weak-ass crap the last kid did.
Suddenly, I was so fed up.
I decided to teach Turk and Todd a lesson right there on the court.
You know, once I warm up a little.
Get the shot.
Good.
J.D, I'm gonna show you what the deal.
Throw the body out of him!
All right, that's game.
- What's so important? - Okay.
I was looking at Bidwell...
One second.
Damn, I gotta go. But you played a good game.
You played a good game.
I thought you sucked.
Go get your grub on.
- Hey, baby, what's up? - You gotta be kidding.
Yes?
- Sorry to bother you, sir. - Well, if it isn't "sport".
How are things?
Did you see Mr. Kavanaugh today?
Yes.
Yes, I did.
Dr. Kelso, I just wanted to say that, well...
As far as the whole sweetheart thing goes, maybe I overreacted.
Are you sure?
Because I wouldn't want you to be the least bit uncomfortable.
To tell you the truth, I have no idea
what possessed me to say anything in the first place.
You've got to leave me alone or I'll punish you.
- Yeah, absolutely no idea. - Super.
Then run along, sweetheart.
Have you seen Mr. Bidwell's blood work?
No, it hasn't come back yet.
Okay, have you seen Turk?
Not since this morning.
Well, I'm sure you'll end up seeing him before I do, so...
Bambi, are you giving me attitude?
What if I am?
Sweetie, you have to be a minority sidekick in a bad movie to pull that off.
- You know what I'm talking about, right? - Child, please, you speak the truth!
Explain it to this man, please.
First, you do the hand, then you do the finger,
then you talk through the nose.
And then you give a lot of attitude. That's how it works.
But if you're not from there, you don't understand.
So I'm not gonna even axe you...
- Okay, I'm gonna leave now. - What?
No. No, you didn't! Where you going? Where you going?
Thank you very much.
What?
Hi, how are you? I have a quick legal question. I'm just curious.
- What if, hypothetically... - God! You killed somebody.
- No! - Someone else did.
- No, no one killed anyone. - Maimed, mutilated, disfigured.
Let's not split hairs.
No, I'm not even sure there is a problem, you know.
I'm running tests, I'm doing everything that I should be doing.
Look, if you know about something, by not reporting it you're every bit as culpable.
Now, is there anything you wanna tell me?
Why am I protecting Turk when he can't even give me five seconds of his time?
- Anything at all? - Tell him.
No.
Scared the hell out of me.
Dr. Cox...
I'm hoping for your sake there's another Dr. Cox sitting right behind me.
I feel stupid but... sending me to Kelso like that,
well... I'm not sure exactly what you were trying to teach me.
The value, and this is important, of leaving me alone.
I think we both know there's more to it than that...
No, no, no. There's not.
Look, I want you to go ahead and spread the word, Missy.
I've had enough.
The next whiny intern that comes in here looking to me for a cookie and a hug,
I swear to Aisha, I'm going to hurt them.
And you, you neurotic one-woman freak show
take your blah-blah to the blah-blah-ologist.
Because if you're so stupid as to confront the Chief of Medicine
over some quasi-offensive endearment,
then you've just got to go ahead and replace the captain of your brain ship
because he's drunk at the wheel.
You're right. I need to learn to pick my battles.
Thank you, sir.
You're welcome.
And you say your husband hardly wore them?
Fantastic.
The blood work came back.
Negative?
How could it even be negative? The guy looks like death.
Hi!
What happened?
There's no infection.
He's diabetic. So when someone gave him insulin during post-op,
when he wasn't eating, he became hypoglycaemic.
That's funny. Because the only person that could've given him insulin...
Me!
I gave him insulin.
Twice.
He's fine, Bambi.
I gave him an amp of D50 and he's eating now.
But you should probably give him a glass of orange juice in about an hour.
Carla, thank you so much. You totally saved my ass.
No, it wasn't me.
- Look, Turk. - Come on, man.
I know I always got your back.
I know.
Tell him how you feel without sounding like a girl for once.
I miss you so much it hurts sometimes.
Okay...
You have a rough day so I'm gonna let that go for now.
Thank you.
We'll find time to hang, man.
It's just that we're both really swamped right now
and I'm hanging out with Carla a lot, I know, but...
Tell me.
If there was someone you were into, you'd be doing the same thing.
Crap!
Did Nurse Roberts sell you these?
You don't even wanna hear about day I've had.
You're right. Kiss me.
- Right now? - We can wait, like, three, four seconds.
But I just ate, I feel gross.
Not gross, pretty. Come here.
J.D, can we just talk for a second?
It never fails.
Yeah, another one.
How're you doing?
Went to high school with her.
We worked at Penguins Yoghurt.
- I met her on a bus. - She'll come around.
Pretzel?
Thank you.
The first few weeks here have been so hard for me,
mentally, physically, emotionally.
It's like math camp all over again.
Not that I've ever been to math camp, it's just an expression.
I use it all the time.
- Come on. - Anyway...
I know the idea of choosing friendship over sex
seems like the last thing any guy wants to hear.
But you know what?
This time, it actually made sense to me.
Besides, I challenge anyone to survive being an intern
without having a close group of friends to lean on.
I can't believe you lost our bottle opener.
Yeah, I know.
I miss it so much it hurts sometimes.
You're a bad person.